Paragraph 1:
Silently, as she began to glance into the book, the sun was slowly setting, as kayleigh sat there as still as a statue books clutterd all around her, but not all books where still some books flue all around her like they where birds in the sky. Although there where flying books all around kayleigh, she could still have an adventure as she read the book. But this library was no ordinary library, this library had secret doors that lead to another demention, fling books and a blue chairs that could take you to another planet.
Hi Jada. Well done on using an -ly to begin your sentence. Remember to go back and read it to make sure that it makes sense. You could try adding in or deleting some words to help you make sense of it, e.g. Silently, as the girl began to glance into the book, the sun slowly set. As Kayleigh sat there, as still as a statue, books cluttered all around her. Using commas and ending sentences with a full stops helps to make sense to your writing. Have a read through your make and make some changes. Are there any more describing words you could add?
ReplyDeleteFakaalofa Lahi Atu. My Name is Fila and I'm from Room 23 at OWairaka District School. I really liked your blog post about DAY one, The Greatest Library. I remember when I did something like this. I would suggest that you put more words into your writing. Have you ever tried it before? Thanks for sharing your learning. You should check out my blog http://odssionelo.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Fila, Thank-you for commenting on my blog. I could try putting some more words in it. Maybe you should check out my other writing days.But I will definitly check out your blog.
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